i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
