Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My ass is underappreciated
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
