Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
