dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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