Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
