I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize