am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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