he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i would one night stand the shit outta him
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
