All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
