Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
