Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
