I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
