had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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