i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
