So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
