If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
