you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
It was confusing and full of hummus
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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