I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize