South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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