we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
