wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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