The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
COCAINE IS GR8
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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