You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My hand turned me down
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize