You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I am one with the molecules
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
