Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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