you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
