I wish my penis had an off switch
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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