Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
