Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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