You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
