I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
