U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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