I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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