The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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