my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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