sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
