Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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