no you cant smoke seaweed
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
