I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
