Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
