I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize