my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
