We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
