Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
