guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize