She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
