you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
