just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
