smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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