In America we eat man semen.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
