I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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