Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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