you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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