having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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