a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize