Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
