i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
