Have you finally orgasmed yet?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
