I'm laying in your front yard are you home
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
