tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
