did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
