We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
