is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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