Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
