Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
