If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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