If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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