I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
