Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
