she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
