he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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