i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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